Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In has been causing a lot of buzz among women in the workplace—and women looking to jump (back) into the workplace—since its release a few months ago. People are talking about the book and Sandberg’s advice all over the internet, fans of the book have built quite a growing community around it, and Sandberg herself is making media appearances left and right. Lean In has been referred to as a feminist manifesto, or a guide for working women. But is it?
Admittedly, all of the advice is well thought out, and the book is written in an extremely entertaining way. However, Sandberg’s book and her advice are certainly important within a certain “high powered highly educated” business context. It’s hard to ignore that Sandberg is an extremely wealthy high-powered business woman—she talks about graduating from Harvard Business School and working at places like Google, after all. Most of us will never have the same experiences as Sandberg when it comes to our own workplace experiences, and most of us will never be multimillionaires.
I agree with Alyssa Rosenberg in thinking that I think Lean In would be a better fit in the business section of any bookstore, rather than being labeled as a “feminist manifesto”, it’s just not really relevant to all women in many of its aspects. Yet, I do think that there are some important lessons that can be gleaned from Sandberg’s analysis of navigating the business world that can be useful for everyone.
Despite the fact that Lean In is a little too outside of the reality of the daily lives of working-class women, I do think that Sandberg’s anecdotes do have some value outside of the wealthy world of education and business, so I’ll share those parts of Lean In with you and you can decide for yourself if it’s worth the read.
Leaning In
The main things that Sandberg discusses in her book are: overcoming fears and self-doubt, throwing yourself into the business world, navigating your likability (or lack thereof) among your peers, finding a mentor to look up to in your field, pregnancy and families in relation to work, and finding a partner who is supportive and willing to work toward a 50/50 career and home life balance.
Saying “I do” to a supportive partner
Perhaps Sandberg’s most useful advice is to marry a person who is supportive of you and your career, and willing to split household chores with you 50/50. For white collar families this is probably great advice; split the work and double your already high income. Let’s be honest though, many families cannot afford the increasing cost of childcare. If you have kids and it is economically safe for both you and your partner to work, much more of Sandberg’s book might be relevant to your situation. Not all families can afford for both parents to work full time before their children are old enough to be in school full time.
So can anything be gleaned from this idea? Sure! The idea that you should try to marry a partner who wants to split workload with you 50/50 is still an excellent idea, and probably a profitable one. Who said that just because a family cannot afford childcare it has to be the mother that stays home? In fact, women are currently the primary breadwinners in 40% of US households—up from only 11% in 1960. It might be an economically better decision for many women to work while their husbands stay at home if childcare is not an option.
Women are also currently the primary caregivers in US families though, so if your family cannot afford childcare and depends on mother’s income for support, you need to be sure that you have a partner who is willing to take on the role of primary caregiver so as not to take on too much stress.
Don’t Feel Too Guilty About Being a Working Mother
Sandberg also gives a lot of advice for dealing with the guilt that comes with being a working mother, especially in comparison with the seeming lack of guilt that many working fathers experience. It is pretty disheartening that Sandberg’s own experiences with childcare involve nannies who are able to give far more individual attention to her children than even what the average family can afford if they can afford childcare, but I do think that her reflections are still useful.
Sandberg discusses feeling guilty when dropping her children off at school and interacting with other stay at home mothers who are able to volunteer their time to help out in the classroom—something that I am sure that any working mother whether they are the COO of Facebook or a substitute teacher can relate to. No matter her career and goals, many-a-mother has felt guilty dropping her child off at daycare.
As Sandberg notes though, studies show that children of working mothers do not develop any differently or perform any worse cognitively than their peers who are raised by stay at home mothers. Mothers do not have to feel guilty for working outside of the house. They are in no way causing harm to their children through working alone.
So if working outside of the home is an economically better decision for your family; go for it, and there’s no reason to feel guilty.
You’re not that Different from Sheryl Sandberg
By far the most useful thing that I gained from Lean In, as someone who is quite actively working outside of the field of high-powered-business herself, was learning about Sheryl Sandberg’s own painful self-doubt. Her brutal honesty and anecdotes about feeling like she was not good enough to be a student at Harvard, feeling like she is not worthy, and her stories about her co-workers and peers who feel exactly the same are very heart wrenching stories to be sharing with the world. Yet, they strangely make the reader feel a lot better about her own self-doubts and lack of self-esteem.
If even Sheryl Sandberg—one of the wealthiest, hardworking, and most successful women in the United States, in a field that is traditionally male-dominated—feels crippling self-doubt, could it be that self-doubt is normal among all women?
In fact, it is. Not only do Sandberg’s own humbling stories mirror many women’s personal experiences, but she cites studies that back up these feelings as well. Certainly one of the most overwhelming things that face women in the business world is self-doubt—and it’s not something unique only to business. Most women face extreme self-doubt in a way that men do not, and while many of Sandberg’s anecdotes are business-world-specific I think that her humbling tales can certainly be learning experiences for your own life.
While I still maintain that Lean In does not have nearly the “feminist manifesto for all women” vibe that marketers are making it out to have, this aspect of the book is something that probably all women can rally around in some way. Are you feeling down and doubting yourself today? Don’t worry; even Sheryl Sandberg has been there. Just lean in. If you’re looking for a way to feel better about yourself and get motivated, just read Lean In.
So, is it Worth Reading?
I highly recommend reading Lean In to anyone looking to go into business, or who are already facing the normal struggles that come with being a woman in today’s business world. If this doesn’t sound like you though, I still think that Lean In is worth a read, but probably with a more skeptical perspective.
If you do decide to tackle Lean In, it’s a short, easy, fairly humorous, and enjoyable read. Just keep in mind that it’s not necessarily a guidebook to obtaining million dollar relationships and success. More than a guidebook, Lean In is a book meant to build a community around the self-doubt and discrimination that women face in the workplace.
Have you read Lean In yet?
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